there are some people you will never forget, no matter how much you wish you could. there are some people i hope i'll never have a chance to forget about. and to these people, i say, thank you for having been/being in my life. it would not have been/be the same without you.

the funny thing about happiness

when things are bad, we just want everything to be better, but when things are good, we think that there must be something bad. so we search. family? school? relationships? friendships? teams? anything and everything. i mean, things can't be THIS good right? there HAS to be something wrong, but what? here's the thing though -- you probably cant figure out what's wrong because there's nothing wrong. for once, things are good, so why cant we just enjoy being happy for once, god knows we probably deserve it. so what if it just turns out to be he calm before the big storm, because in that case, there's nothing we can do to avoid the inevitable anyways, so the least we can do is enjoy what is.

thats the funny thing about happiness - we all strive for it, whatever happiness means to us. we claim that it's all we want to be, just "happy". but when we get there, it feels...weird and its like we try to find things that make us unhappy, as if unhappiness makes our lives feel more "normal". kind of sick dont ya think?

ah then again, it might be just me haha

i whine. i complain.
i get frustrated. i get annoyed.
i get mad. i get cranky.
i feel hopeless and discouraged.

but at the end of the day, i know that even on my worst days, my life is still pretty awesome.

1 more day of classes.
4 more days til my first of four finals.
7 more days til this semester is officially over.
8 more days til im in seattle.
9 more days til 7 days of binge eating, laying out, spa treatments, spending too much time with my family -- all en route to alaska.

every day there's a challenge to overcome

these days im just trying to take it one day at a time. if i try to think of everything i have to do, i find myself on the edge of a breakdown. lately, ive been trying to think of things that "suck" as challenges that i have to overcome. otherwise im just left feeling hopeless at the end of every day. because every one thing i finish, i seem to have at least five other things i still have to do. if i see things as "challenges" then it's something that i can work towards . i dont "fail" if i dont finish or accomplish something, it just means that i have to work harder tmrw. it means hitting the books for a couple more hours everyday. it means showing a little more patience towards my body while it recovers after everything i've put it through. it means i have to get my priorities straight and have a little more focus. it means that if i put my mind to it, i know i can do this.

regional champs going to nationals

so im not big on talking about my team here, but this deserves some sort of attention.

my team has had its fair share of ups and downs this year, it's been an emotional roller coaster to say the very least. and we always thought we had the talent to get to nationals, but didn't know if we would be able to pull through. between the petty drama and having our top players injured, we just weren't sure. we had gone to nationals last year, and having returned a bulk of that talent this year, we were said to have been "the safest bet (for making it to nationals) in women's ultimate". and up until 2 weeks ago at sectionals, i wasnt sure if we would even make it to the 2nd day of regionals, things were just that bad. but we pulled through, we did it.

we had a battle with harvard in the semis on sat and ended up on top 15-13. which put us in the championship game on sunday against dartmouth. dartmouth ultimate has a solid program with star players including one who played on the junior world's team. i remember looking at them warm up and thinking, at the end of the day its going to be about who has a bigger heart and who wanted it more. after the first two points, i was already bent over, hands on my knees, panting. everybody was running so hard, and i remember thinking, man i hope i can last through this game. dartmouth took half at 8-3 and our coach told us if we didnt score in the next couple of points, we were gonna save ourselves for the 2nd place game. dartmouth scored the first point after half, making it 9-3. but we fought back and scored 2 points, making it 9-5. then it was 10-8. and after that, it was all a blur. we ended up winning on double game point, 13-12 to cinch the #1 spot in new england for the 2nd year in a row. and now we're getting ready to join the ranks of the top 20 teams in the nation in ohio on memorial day weekend.

2peat new england regional champs. moments like that, make it all worth it.

it wasnt all bad

sometimes i wished i kept a diary when i was younger, like through middle school and high school. because when i think back to those times, the first things that pop into my head are bad memories. some i wish i never had to go through, others i knew i had to go through to be the person i am today. whether it was fighting for a friendship for too long, one that didn't deserve my time. or not fighting enough for friendships. and for most of those years, i was an awkward tomboy teenager. not until the past couple of years did i find some sort of comfortable balance of who i am. so why would i want to have written memories of those times if they were so awful? well thats just the thing, they werent all awful. actually most of them probably werent that awful. and even the ones that ended up being bad, they were good at one point or another. i wish i could remind myself more of those times. of all the good friends i had. of all the times i laughed til i was in tears. of all the moments i couldnt have been more content. of all the triumphs and successes. because at one point or another, it was good.

come on karma

i just got back from a party. a party that i spent the majority of the time laying on a couch because of my back injury watching fresh prince of bel air. i went to the party to hang out. and of all the times that house has had a party, this is the time it gets busted. cmon, seriously? im not even that kid. i could count on one hand how many times ive been drunk this year. and all the alcohol from those handful of times, couldnt eve make a normal person tipsy. so seriously? all i gotta say is - karma, do work son.